Well, the day has come when I can no longer pretend that I enjoy my life as it is. It is time for some serious change. I have become unhappy and as a result, apathetic. I pretend that everything is wonderful and fine and I think that the reason I do this is because I believe that I can make my situation be whatever I want it to be through the power of positive thinking.
Positive thinking is a powerful tool - albeit a dilusional one. So, what are the triggers that finally caused me to snap? I would have to say the number one trigger is the fact that I have no place to go to get away - nothing to call my own. Now, I understand that this is a selfish concept - wanting something that is just mine and nobody elses - but I believe it is the key to sanity. The corona isolation has been a huge problem for me as I can no longer get into my car and drive somewhere to get lost in the crowds. The crowds have been disbanded. I cannot hop a plane to another country and lose myself in the thrill of exploring someplace new - the countries have been closed.
What I can do is find an escape that allows my mind to lose its reality and stop thinking about the world as I know it. I guess the introvert in me requires this "task" as a way to reenergize myself. The problem with this process is that it also requires isolation in a manner that blocks out all excess interuption and stimulation. That is not possible in my current situation as I have animals that require attention, husband who shares my space, and a multitude of noise that intrudes upon my solace. I completely understand the concept of needing to have personal and private space and have decided that this is going to become a reality on my life. I am going to create a "She-shed" for myself.
I kind of sprung the idea of the "She-shed" on my husband today. Well, I actually blind-sided him with it as I told him I was going to take over one of his storage sheds he has sitting in the yard. This storage shed has been slated for renovation into a cabin. For the last 5-6 years, nothing has been done to this shed to even hint at this becoming a reality. The shed is rotting away - siding is falling off in places, critters have started to nest in the building, and the roof is looking pretty poor. The shed was sheet-rocked about 20 years ago; wiring and windows were put in, and a wood sub-floor was installed. And it has sat in this condition since then. Of course it was moved to a different spot and blocked up, but nothing more has been done to the shed . . . nothing! So, I have decided to squat on this piece of prime property.
I know my husband wasn't happy about my announcement. As I am typing this, he is working like a mad man on a room he is remodeling. That is his response to me when he is pissed off or upset - he goes and does something manly. Sometimes he cuts down trees with a chainsaw, sometimes he burns garbage, other times he gets on his tractor and does whatever it is guys do on their tractors. The end result is he becomes productive, burns off steam, and I get to make a positive change about something that has been driving me slowly insane.
Is a "She-shed" going to make me happy? Of course not; But it gives me focus in a time when I need it. It gives me purpose and hope and it will give me a place of my own to escape to. I can decorate it any way I want, I will be able to go to meditate in quiet and provide myself with spiritual regeneration. If I want to work on a craft project and not pick it up right away - I can. If I want to have my girlfriends over and not be bothered by ESPN blaring from the television, the rattle of the washing machine, or the demands of pets - I will have a place to go. Right now, I am attempting to save my sanity by creating my own space . . . wish me luck!
Random thought: What if we were able to tune out the world around us - kind of like putting ourselves into a sensory deprivation chamber - for 60 minutes every day? Would we come out refreshed or would we come out insane?
~Daemon
